


Kissing Cousins

by KateThorne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cliche ending, First Kiss, First Time, Hand Jobs, Incest-ish, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 10:21:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2769485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KateThorne/pseuds/KateThorne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel's got a deadbeat dad so he spends some summers with the Winchesters. For a while Sam, Dean and Gabriel are thick as thieves until the inevitable happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kissing Cousins

The last time Sam had seen him had been in March of 1995. 

His hair was shorter back then, but it looked like his dawn-of-puberty peach fuzz had finally evolved into an actual beard. The same strawberry blonde hair. The same bright eyes that could be laughing at you or laughing with you and you wouldn't be able to know the difference. 

It was good to see him again. 

Good like the car horn behind you when you're daydreaming at a stoplight. Good like a burst of adrenaline in your veins, something to make you feel alive. Sam didn't even know he was sleeping until he saw him again. 

Of course, he wasn't going to say how nice it was to see him again until Gabriel said it first.

“Dean-Machiene” Gabriel crowed as Sam's brother stepped between them to scoop Gabriel up into a hug and off the floor a few inches. Gabriel wasn't a great deal taller than he was when he was fourteen. 

“Gabe, you remember little Sammy?” Dean asked, reaching up to clasp a hand on Sam's shoulder, pulling him down into nearly a headlock. Sam blushed and tried to worm his way out of his brother's oblivious hold.

Sam would kill a waitress walking by just to hold her beer in his hand. He wanted something to do so it looked like he had a purpose besides Dean's tag-along. Gabriel would probably see right through that. 

“I think I remember it being 'just Sam'” Gabriel said with only half the dryness he would have used ten years ago. “Some _little_ brother you got there.” Gabriel sneered at him. Dean punched his arm. 

“So, ah, drinks?” Sam offered, buying time. Dean was so exuberant, like a dog with visitors over, wagging his tail and tripping over himself. Maybe Sam could get a little drunk before anyone actually expected him to talk. 

Dean looked over his shoulder, “No dice, kiddo. Lisa is working tonight.” Dean winked at them, “She makes my drinks a little extra strong to get me drunk. One of these days, guys, one of these days I'm going to change that woman's life.”

And with that Dean left them. 

Sam had never felt so sober in his life. 

Sam sat awkwardly on the edge of the U shaped booth. Gabriel was sitting closer to the middle, and acting cool. Maybe. Sam was so busy feeling like an idiot to really see what Gabriel was actually doing.

“I'm willing to bet you that that woman gets your brother smashed so he tips double.” Gabriel said, looking over Sam's shoulder to Dean leaning forward, trying to charm the tall, tanned bartender in his allotted ten seconds of drink ordering time. 

“She doesn't need to. She's beautiful. He would have done it anyway.”

Gabriel snorted and nodded. “When we were in Spain, he insisted on leaving ridiculous tips for all the beautiful senoritas who brought us coffee. The boy can just be plain stupid with his money when it comes to a pretty face.”

Sam smiled and nodded. Dean was still flirting and they had exhausted their only conversation topic. Silence fell over the table with an almost malicious intent. 

“So, ah--” “Are you done with--” they both started at the same time. Sam laughed nervously, “Sorry, go ahead.” 

“No, I was just going to ask how school was going. You're graduating this year?” 

“No, next year. It's good. Finals, though you know?” 

“Yeah” Gabriel nodded politely, “Yeah, that's rough.” 

“I was just going to ask how long you were going to be stateside.” 

“Oh. Well. Until something comes up.” 

“Sure. Yeah. It's probably good to be home.” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

Gabriel glanced over to where Dean was listening to Lisa tell a story with utter rapture. Sam followed his gaze and, he swore, watched a bead of condensation roll down the bottle of his beer as it sat half forgotten by Dean's elbow.

“You know, I had an ex that looked like her once.” 

“Yeah?” Sam smiled under his bangs. 

“Yeah. She wasn't that tall though. Lisa is like a supermodel. Hannah was tiny.” 

“Oh-- she?”

Gabriel glanced at him sharply. It was a startled look, like someone who was caught out. It was a vicious look, like a trapped animal. 

“Of course.” He said, like gravel, “Of course. What'd you think? Did you think I was gay? Why would you think that?” 

But Gabriel knew exactly why he would think that. 

Dean chose that moment to come back to the table, the necks of three beers threaded between his fingers in one hand and his usual oblivious smirk. That dangerous angle to Gabriel's features was waxed smooth as he looked back up to Sam's brother. 

“Hey kids,” Dean said as he settled into the side of the booth, sending Gabriel to the middle of the rounded edge, equally between Dean and Sam. Gabriel tilted his body so he was facing Dean. Sam didn't blame him. “What'd I miss?” 

“Lisa's number, it looks like.” Gabriel grinned around the lip of his bottle and Dean gave Gabriel a jab in the shoulder as he laughed at that. 

“Were you tellin' Sammy about who she looks like?”

“Hannah, yeah, I mentioned it.” 

“Was,” Sam's voice wasn't conditioned to being heard in bar like Gabriel and Dean's were, he sounded soft and hoarse to his own ears, “Was she someone you met when you were in Spain?” 

“Nah,” Dean thought for a moment as he took a swig, “Nah, Gabe, where'd you meet Hannah? Prague?”

Gabriel nodded, “Yeah, she was studying abroad. Art History. Her german wasn't really up to snuff and she really wanted to date a local. I guess I was the next best thing.” 

“Yeah you were,” Dean laughed. “What was it that guy said in that hostel that one time? That drunk Australian dude. With the, yeah, with the hat. Really fucking funny, Sam.” 

“Ah, it was, 'learning a second language via insertion.' instead of, you know, 'immersion'.” Gabriel grinned, “It's a real old joke in expat circles. Not everyday I got to see someone hear it for the first time. I swore your brother was going to split his side open after that one. 'Course, we had just gotten off the train from Amsterdam.” Gabriel raised his eye brows knowingly as Dean smacked a hand on the table as he laughed.

“Sounds like you guys had a great time.”

“Oh. Oh, god, Sammy, we did.” Dean took a long breath and wiped his watering eye, “Oh, jesus. Gabe, whatever happened to Hannah?”

Gabriel shrugged, “Back with her boyfriend, probably.” 

Dean shrugged, that same 'well, you can't win them all' sort of shrug he doled out when he didn't know what else to say. Sam had seen it often enough. Had it pulled out on him earlier in the night. Dean didn't always know how to be sensitive, but for better or for worse, he wouldn't leave Sam's side until he felt better. 

“So.” Dean started, leaning back in the booth and hooking his elbows up to the backs of his chair, taking up too much space. “Sammy here just broke it off with some lame-o. I figured beer, family exactly what this kid needs, right Gabe? Couldn't have picked a better night to be back in the country, man.”

“Oh,” Gabriel's face fell, “Oh, shit, Sam. I'm sorry. I didn't know.” 

Sam shrugged. It was Dean's shrug. The kind where Sam didn't know what else to say. “I didn't know until this morning so,” 

“Shit.” 

“Piece of shit was cheating on him,” Dean supplied darkly. 

“Dean,” Sam warned.

“Whoa.” Gabriel sighed, taking a long gulp of beer to catch up to Dean, “That's really rough.”

“They were a total slut and waste of space.” Dean raised his beer knowingly, “You're better off without them.” 

“That's what people say.” Sam's bottle was getting too light. He needed something heavy to hold him to the ground and keep him from bolting. The way Gabriel was looking at him. The way Dean was talking... heavy with pity and awful attention that Sam didn't deserve. 

He had met Brady his sophomore year. They had the same taste in music and the sex wasn't half bad and the truth was, Sam was lazy. He liked sex best when it was familiar, it was comfortable and warm and safe. He knew he what was going to come and he knew when to expect it. He could touch all of Brady's right spots while still half thinking about his final paper. 

He didn't love Brady. He wasn't even sure that he wanted to. Brady was nice enough and generous with his food and his money and his time. But he was... familiar. While Sam loved sex that he could predict like clockwork, he hated it too. He knew all the punch lines to Brady's jokes and he knew all of Brady's stories. Sometimes, Sam wished he could forget his final paper and all the other things that flitted through his mind and took him away from the moment. 

The last year of their relationship, if it was even ever that, was Sam warring with himself. Part of him liked knowing the smell of their shared sheets and the familiar grip of Brady's hand on his hips while he reached around to tug Sam toward the finish line. 

But the other part of him wondered if this was really all there was to it. Sex. Love. Relationships. Was this what it was with Brady? Maybe he had everything he was ever going to get from a partner and it wasn't enough to fully distract him from the rent bill on the counter or his readings for class. 

Was that all there was to it? 

“He's right.” Gabriel chimed in, “We're young. We're hot. Let her fuck someone else if she wants. You can fuck someone else if you want too.” 

“Uh... Yeah. Sure.” Sam stammered as he hoisted himself up from the booth. “I need another. Does anyone else need another?” After the way Gabriel looked a minute ago, Sam didn't even want to be close to the fall out when Gabriel figured out that--

“Yo, Gabe, you didn't know Sammy's gay?” Leave it to Dean to not notice the way Sam was a hair away from bolting to the door. Leave it to Dean to say the most uncomfortable thing possible without even knowing that it might have consequences. Dean lived in a world where he wasn't ashamed to chat up bartenders and take advice from drunk foreigners. 

But, then, Sam had never told anyone. Had taken Gabriel's oath to heart with the utmost secrecy, had been prepared to take their secret to his grave. 

But then Sam had seen him again and that secret, that afternoon of his youth had never seemed so close to the surface. Sam had never realized how much of it he remembered, out of all his other memories and all the things that formed him... 

There was Gabriel's face, like a flash of lightning through all the calm. 

“Oh--” Gabriel's face lost it's color. “No, I didn't... you didn't say.” 

“And, it's not a big deal, right?” Dean asked slowly, raising his eyebrows at Gabriel, coaching him through. Sam had seen Dean do it out of the corner of his eye when he told his Dad that he'd be bringing a boy, not a girl, home for spring break. 

“Oh, yes, of course it isn't.” Gabriel said quickly. He still refused to make eye contact with Sam, though. “Good for you, Sam.”

“He's just fuckin' with some different bits, he doesn't get a medal or anything,” Dean chortled as he rapped his class ring on the table and stood, collecting their empties. “But, Sammy, I'm not wasting a hot female bartender on you. Sit your ass down, I'll get some more.”  
Sam perched tensely on the booth next to Gabriel, who was still fascinated with the rings in the wood on their table. He seemed to be memorizing them. 

“Uh. Anyway.” Sam said. Gabriel stared at the table with even more determination than before, “Anyway, you can see why... I thought maybe... because I... so maybe you... too...”

“Sam,” Gabriel almost whispered. “Sam, tell me straight, was it because...?”

“I don't know.” Sam admitted. “Sometimes I think... it sped up the process. Maybe it would have taken me years to--”

“I need to--” Gabriel interrupted, standing suddenly and heading to the bathroom. Sam let him disappear before he stood as well, heading to the bar and standing close enough to call into his brother's ear and be heard over the din of conversation and Joan Jett on the jukebox. 

“I'm heading out.” He half shouted, “I'm tired and I just need some time alone. You and Gabriel have fun catching up.” 

“You sure?” Dean yelled, turning his head to yell into Sam's ear this time, “Maybe if Gabe is still in town tomorrow we can do dinner. Something quieter. You guys used to be so close, you know? Can't become a hermit, Sammy.” 

Winchesters dealt with heartbreak but pulling into their shell with a bottle of Jack. Sam and Dean had learned it from their father. Dean was searching Sam's face to see any traces of the Winchester patriarch in there. Sam hoped he'd never find any. 

“Say bye to Gabe, ok?” Dean yelled.

“Uh, yeah.” Sam called, “Ok, if I can find him.” 

Sam was halfway out the door before the kamikazee thought occurred to him. This vaguely crazy notion that he was just drunk enough one beer, drank too fast on an empty stomach to say it, positive now that Gabriel would be sure they never saw each other again. 

So he headed toward the back of the bar, noisy and crowded of people with normal lives that Sam couldn't imagine. And he even hadn't fully worked out what he was going to say; whether he was going to apologize or forgive or just say it out loud so that the memory that had stayed with him longer than Brady or puberty or even Dean, for that matter, would finally have some sort of shape to it. Sam didn't have a well formed idea of anything; he was running off of beer and adrenaline at this point. 

He could only think clearly of the summer of 1995 and the bright eyes that, just that once, Sam was sure weren't laughing at him. 

***

Sam never tried too hard to pay attention when people tried to explain who exactly Gabriel was to them. There was an aunt in there, who married a guy who had a sister with kids. It all seemed too distant to be real when Gabriel was right in front of them, so much more interesting than a list of grown-ups that Sam would never remember. There was a period of three summers in a row that Gabriel was always at their house. Dean said that Gabriel's Dad was a “deadbeat.” It never occurred to Sam to think of it much. 

Because Gabriel just sort of... fit in with Sam and Dean and the small, boyhood adventures of summer time. Gabriel was fast on his bike, fast enough to out pedal the Milton's dog but smart enough to not beat Dean in a race. He wasn't a picky eater and he was a good sport. He fell right between Sam and Dean in age, making him the perfect addition to their little trio. And then, the inevitable happened. 

Dean turned sixteen. 

And something about that summer, that final summer, changed them all. Sam was twelve and his voice was always thin and strange to his own ears, betraying him at the worst moments. His knees were always popping and there were moments, sometimes, when he was up late watching TV by himself or laying in bed and letting a million images and ideas swirling through his mind at the end of the day, there was this profound feeling of being too big for his skin. He hated and was fascinated by his own body, the way it pulled tight in places, the way his hips would clench and move of their own accord, like they knew something he didn't. Like they wanted something he could only barely understand. 

Dean had gotten a job bagging groceries and he would always look the other way if Sam and Gabriel filled their pockets with candy bars and popsicles before they headed out to navigate the familiar town, seeming strange now, just between the two of them. 

Gabriel took his new position as the eldest in stride and Sam didn't mind following his lead. There was the remarkable difference between the two in that the summer lost the teeth-on-edge guaranteed mayhem Sam's big brother generally brought to everything he did. Dean always had a goal to his schemes; he wanted to break a window or catch something in the woods behind the high school. They didn't always succeed but there was always an ulterior motive when they dragged their bikes out from the garage and took the streets. 

But Sam had never wandered just to move like Gabriel did. 

Gabriel was an artist in that sense. They never followed the same route twice, never overlapped or treaded the same street if Gabriel didn't intend to. Sam had no idea there were so many neighborhoods, so many things to see in one small city with just his shoes on the pavement, but maybe he'd never paid attention before. Gabriel never seemed surprised at the size of the world without direction. When Sam asked him about it, Gabriel just said that sometimes he didn't want to be home, but he didn't have anything to do. Sam kind of understood. Sometimes the walls were too small and the air was too stuffy and Sam knew how it felt to be too big for his skin. 

They didn't always talk when they walked like this; but when they did, it almost never went anywhere. Sam used to think that Dean just knew everything, he always had answer up his sleeve. How to airplanes stay up and why do girls go to the bathroom in groups? Dean always had something to say. 

But with Gabriel, Sam didn't know. And Gabriel didn't know. And that had never been the solution to a question before. Simply, “I don't know.” Does Dean like his job and why do you think he gets crushes on girls? I don't know. 

And it was a surprisingly reassuring thing to hear. 

Sam would waste the day, following Gabriel around from place to place and then settle into bed at the end of it all, with sore feet and a sort of contented feeling of a light heart. It had occurred to him, of course, how terrible it would be if Gabriel didn't have a deadbeat dad. If Dean had grown up and gotten a job and Sam never learned to wander the streets without purpose and had never heard someone say they didn't know like it was an answer. 

Dean's graduation from their boyhood group just served as a reminder to Sam that the years of his boyhood were dwindling. Soon he'd be going to high school and talking to girls. This was the twilight of his childhood era and he didn't like to think of what that'd be like to face alone. 

They were all settled into their beds on that fateful night in 1995. Sam on the bottom bunk, Dean on the top bunk and Gabriel in a sleeping bag on the floor when Sam heard Dean get up.

“Yo, you ladies cover for me if it comes to it.” Dean said as he dropped down to the ground and started hunting for his shoes. 

“Where are you going?” Sam asked, trying not to sound hurt. Dean never used to go places and not invite Sam. 

“He's got a date with that deli counter girl, Jennifer.” Gabriel cooed in a sing-song voice. 

“Yeah, how'd you know?” Dean asked, pausing over Gabriel's sleeping bag.

“You guys are aways flirting when we go in there,” Gabriel said like it was obvious. 

Dean let out an amused huff. “Well, whatever, we're going to go to the drive in and we're gonna make-out and stuff. She's a senior.” He said, raising his eyebrows like that would explain everything. 

Gabriel rolled his eyes and shifted onto his side. 

“So you're gonna sneak out to kiss some girl at the movies?” 

“Yeah, Samm-o. And I'll kick your butt if you whisper any of this to Dad. Capice?” 

“Whatever, Dean.”

“Awww, don't be mad, Sammy. You'll still be the number one girl in my life.” 

“Fuck off” 

“Well, with any luck--”

Gabriel let out a too loud bark of a laugh and had to smother his face with a pillow as Sam turned red in the darkness. The idea of that word, that concept, that motion that adults did in the dark that Sam was enthralled by without any real understanding of why. His blood ran hot then cold down his veins, tingling through his body. 

Just a reminder that his body, his journey into manhood and whatever that entailed was just on the precipice. He could feel adulthood pulsing through him and he couldn't look away. 

“Gross, Dean.” Sam said again, and hoped he didn't sound as breathless as he felt, with all the blood leaving his head and heading someplace unknown. 

“I'll be back in a few hours. Cover for me. I'll do dishes for the week, ok? Does that sound good?” 

“It does to me,” Gabriel chimed. 

“Sammy?” 

“Yeah.” Sam said, rolling back to face the wall, “Yeah, whatever.” 

That was good enough for Dean, as he opened the window over the dresser and slipped out deftly like a cat. And then there was silence, filled with the slight chill drafting through the open window Dean left in his wake.

Sam couldn't stop himself before he spoke, some stupid, misplaced trust he had in Gabriel to be old enough to know things but not so old that he called Sam a baby. Sam wasn't afraid to ask Gabriel questions. Maybe it was because Gabriel didn't pretend to know things he didn't, and didn't make fun of Sam for not not knowing like Dean would.

“Do you think they're really gonna--?” He asked hesitantly but clear as a bell in the silence. 

Gabriel was quiet for a moment, “Make-out?” He said finally, with no teasing in his voice. 

“Yeah,” 

“I don't know. Maybe. She is a senior.” 

“Do all senior girls... do that?” 

“I don't know, maybe. Probably. I don't think it's such a big deal after you've done it a few times.” 

“Do you think Dean's done it a few times?” 

“I think Dean wants us to think that he has.” Gabriel said. Sam rolled onto his back and turned his head to look at Gabriel's silhouette in the street lights outside their window. Gabriel remained staring at the ceiling. “But, no. I don't think he's done it much.” 

“Have you?” Sam asked, almost fearfully. Gabriel was two and a half years older than him and about to start high school. And if Gabriel had kissed girls, had made out with them then... then Sam was truly alone. A child, left behind by all the men. 

“No.” Gabriel said softly. 

Sam breathed a sigh of relief, gusting out of him so fast he swore he melted into his bed a bit. “Do you think about it a lot?” 

“Kissing?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Sometimes.” 

“What... what do you think it's like?” 

“Warm, I guess.” Gabriel shifted in his sleeping bag, making a rustling sound that was louder than his voice. He dropped lower to a whisper, 

“Probably... tight. You know how it feels... when you're... watching a movie and the people... kiss. It feels sort of hot and tense in...”

“Yeah.” Sam breathed. He shifted in his blankets too, that hot, pulsing adulthood was threatening to rip his skin, he was sure of it. The blankets, his clothes, his body was too small for this sort of drumming through his system. “Yeah that way you feel when you...” And Sam half regretted how close he came to admitting it. Those hurried, half thought out moments in the shower when his hand was drawn to his firming cock like a magnet, how it felt to tug himself there, like he could smooth out the knot in him, the tightness in his gut and spill it out into the shower and be rid of it. 

He knew those moments, jacking off, weren't the same as being an adult, as _fucking_. They felt like embarrassing, childish pantomimes, like playing make believe by himself. 

Then Gabriel breathed, “Oh, yeah. I know.” And Sam swore that he was going to pass out from how quickly all the blood in his body rushed to his cock, like it recognized it's own name in the lilt of Gabriel's voice. 

“Do you think she's going to... to fuck him?” 

Gabriel let out a small, tight groan at the idea and Sam knew exactly how that felt, the idea of a girl doing... something... down there made him nauseous but there had to be something to it. Maybe it wouldn't be embarrassing or childish when it was someone else's hand, someone else's body playing make believe with yours. 

“Sam, I don't think I can...” Gabriel swallowed loudly, “We gotta stop talking about it. It's making me all horny.” 

“Yeah?” Sam breathed, and, once again, his voice cracked at the worst time. Finally, Gabriel turned his head, and met Sam's eyes with his own. 

“You, ah, you too, Sam?” 

“Yeah.”   
“God, do you want to... I mean... we can...” Gabriel's eyes left Sam's, “We can... I mean, I won't be weirded out if...”

“Yeah.” Sam gasped again, louder as he watched Gabriel's hand shift beneath the sleeping bag, “Oh, wow.” 

Sam let his hand drift toward his hard cock, clumsily rubbing it over his boxers beneath the blankets. There was silence in the room as they both rubbed themselves, punctuated by an occasional grunt or exhale, the sound of blankets and covers being shifted was almost overwhelming. 

“How do you...” Sam asked, finally. 

Gabriel stopped and looked at him, “Do you seriously not know how to jerk off?” 

“No, of course I do. I just... I just want to see how you...” Sam turned back to the top bunk, “Forget it, it was stupid, sorry.” 

But instead of brushing it off, like Sam had hoped he would, Gabriel kicked himself out of his sleeping bag, creating a spotlight from the window's light over his slender, adolescent body and his hard dick, rising up from his boxers like a beacon. Sam's mouth went dry and he couldn't look away and when Gabriel wrapped a hand around his cock, pulling it from beneath his underwear, Sam practically swallowed his tongue. “Oh, wow,” was all he managed to say as Gabriel smirked at him. 

“You can see better if you come down here,” Gabriel purred. 

Seductive. Sam registered the tone of voice, the raising of the brow, the wrongness of the moment, being seduced by his cousin in the room they shared, so many secrets that would change everything. 

The only thing was, Sam didn't care. 

He got up from the bed, padding over to where Gabriel was stroking lightly over his cock, where Sam couldn't tear his eyes away from Gabriel's lap. 

“Sam...” Gabriel said after a moment of Sam's blatant staring, “I want to see you too.” 

Sam hesitated and then Gabriel moved, leaned forward a fraction of an inch and touched him, groped him over his boxers and Sam almost howled with how good it felt. 

Then Gabriel's face was in front of his, his breath tangling with Sam's hovering for a moment before Sam tipped his head and met Gabriel's lips with his. Gabriel sighed, the hand in Sam's lap reaching around, reaching up to up to tug the waistband down beneath his balls so Gabriel could wrap his hand around Sam's cock like his own. 

Sam keened, opening his mouth to tell Gabriel 'thank you' or 'how did you know' or, 'oh, my god, we must be the only ones who know about this' because it was better than pizza and candy, taken with a five fingered discount and eaten as he followed Gabriel wherever he wanted to go. 

Nothing had ever felt as good as this. 

But as soon as his lips parted, Gabriel's tongue was in his mouth, wet and slimy and somehow so fucking delicious that Sam wanted to melt into him. 

They kissed like that for a while, Gabriel rubbing them both off and Sam with his hands at his sides like some sort of simpleton before Gabriel grabbed his wrist and thrust it into his crotch, breaking the kiss only long enough to say, “Do me too, it's only fair.”

Sam did, wrapping his hand around Gabriel and feeling his breath catch in his throat at the warmth of it. It was like holding and handful of fire in his hand and Sam moaned as he felt himself get harder, leak into Gabriel's fist as Gabriel leaked into his. He tore his lips from the kiss and watched them tug on each other, hurried and uncoordinated and probably the hottest thing Sam didn't even know he wanted. 

Sam's orgasm took him by surprise, punching him in the gut and then spilling onto Gabriel's tee-shirt. 

“Oh, god.” Gabriel murmured, his mouth in the niche under Sam's jaw. “You just... ok. Wow. Yeah,”

“You too.” Sam whispered into Gabriel's ear, “You do it too.”

Sam leaned forward and bit Gabriel's ear, tugged the cartilage into his mouth and sucked on the lobe, kept at it because of the way Gabriel shivered all over. 

“Sam it's, oh, it's happening.” Gabriel's voice broke as wetness spread over Sam's knuckles. 

Even as Gabriel's cock softened in his hand, Sam didn't want to move from where he was tucked into his his cousin, both sitting cross legged and Sam almost bent in half to fit his face against Gabriel's shoulder. 

“Fuck, Sam.” Gabriel sighed after a minute. 

Sam hated it. Hated how normal it sounded, how far away from that broken voice Sam had heard minutes ago it was. It just sounded like Gabriel. Like the way Gabriel talked to Dean or their Dad. 

“Sam,” Gabriel leaned back, forcing Sam to sit up straight, off of Gabriel and out of his space. “We, ah, we need to change. Give me... give me your clothes and I'll go wash them. And, ah, yeah. The smell. Open the window all the way.”

Sam stood as Gabriel did, watched as Gabriel turned his back to Sam and took off his clothes, like they were in a locker room, efficient and private, tucked into himself. 

And Sam wanted to see him. Wanted to see what Gabriel looked like naked. He already knew that there were little coarse hairs at the base of his cock and he wasn't circumsized like Sam was, but Sam wanted to see the rest of him too. 

Gabriel quickly reached into a dresser and pulled out some clean boxers and shirt, changing into them before he turned to Sam and held his hand out for Sam's, still not looking at him. 

Sam didn't know how to say it. Say, _no, look at me. You touched me, now see me._

So he didn't say anything at all. He quickly stripped and threw his dirty clothes into Gabriel's hand as Gabriel headed to the door. Gabriel paused then, finally, and turned to Sam. 

“Don't tell anyone, alright?” Gabriel said, “You can't let anyone know.” 

Sam wasn't stupid. It wasn't like he was going to bring it up at breakfast the next morning. He wasn't about to tell Dean that he lost his virginity to their cousin on a sleeping bag on the floor of their room while Dean got it on with some girl far away. 

Sam wasn't planning on telling anyone, so Gabriel's cold tone didn't pop any bubbles in his fantasy land dreams. But the way Gabriel said it, so final and serious, Sam knew. 

Gabriel was telling Sam to never bring it up again at all. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“Sam? Promise.”

“I promise.” 

***

Gabriel's deadbeat dad picked him up less than a week later. Within the year, Gabriel's parents got divorced and he went to live with his Mom and his new dad in France. 

Gabriel didn't come back again. They sort of stopped talking to him. They only knew his crappy dad, only had ties to the kid when things were all kinds of lousy. Now Gabriel had a brand new life and he didn't need the Winchesters or Sam or handjobs on sleeping bags in the hushed darkness. 

And so Sam thought that he forgot about it. Pretended it didn't matter. Even pretended to like girls for a little while; the exact opposite of Gabriel and the coarse hairs at the base of his hot cock. 

And then Sam saw him again at a bar in the States. 

And Gabriel wouldn't meet his eyes, still wouldn't talk about it and Sam suddenly realized what it was that he felt way back in 1995 when Gabriel wouldn't look at him, would let him see him naked, wouldn't ever talk about it, even amongst themselves, ever again.

Sam realized it when he didn't feel it for Brady. 

That feeling? That had been a broken heart. 

***

Sam weaved his way through the bar toward the back, pausing for a minute before he pushed into the men's room, catching Gabriel right as he was drying his hands. 

Gabriel froze, like he was caught doing something, practically red handed as he stared across the small space between them. 

“I never told.” Sam said softly. “After all these years.” 

Gabriel let out a long exhale, leaning against the wall of the bathroom. “I did.”

“You did?”

“Yeah to my... to my ex. We were having problems and she made me... she asked if I might be bi and I told her.” 

“Are you?”

Gabriel looked up at Sam then. Finally. “I think about it all the time.” He admitted.

“Me too.” Sam took a step forward, took another until Gabriel was pinned to the wall, looking up at him like it was defeat. “God, I think about it all the time.” 

Gabriel reached out slowly, like he wasn't even aware he was doing it. Gabriel watched his hands, like he was surprised himself, to see them meet Sam's chest, thread the fabric of his shirt between them. "Oh, Sam." Gabriel whispered, "God, I missed you. I feel so stupid. I missed something I never had... I think about what might have happened, where it could have gone... I can't stop thinking about it."

Sam lifted his own hands and placed them over Gabriel's, not surprised, but relieved by their warmth. 

"Then don't" he murmured. 

Gabriel leaned up and Sam leaned down and their lips met somewhere in the middle like sealing some sort of promise with their skin and tongues between them. 

"Gabriel, do you think? Do you think this could be something? Something real, I mean?"

"I don't know," Gabriel said honestly. Sam smiled against Gabriel's mouth. It was a surprisingly reassuring answer. 

Because Sam had no idea either. Gabriel didn't have the answers and Sam didn't have the answers and somehow it was better that way. That way that promised that they would find out together. 

"Do you want to get out of here?" Sam asked.

"Oh, god, definitely." Gabriel grinned.


End file.
